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Friday, April 30, 2004
We know, we do not post as often as you would like. We have been very busy training the new henchcat. As mentioned in the last entry, training has not been going very well. Teh new cat is more interested in eating all the kibble in the cave, digging up all the trees, and shredding the furniture than she is in actually helping her kind achieve superiority over the hairless ones. We are starting to realize why it is taking so long for us to reach our goals. It is because the pure feline races are dolts. Only we rich-blooded felines possess the intellectual and physical acumen to be worthy of the task that befalls us.
Our chin is black. Yes, black. Apparently, because the other cat is always eating the food from both our our eating shrines, we have to constantly scrape the bottom of the bowl with our chin, and it has become infected becasue of that. The female calls it "cat acne." A couple of lights ago she put us in the small blue cave and then put us in the silver moving cave. We didn't like the sense of movement when we were not moving, but it bothers us less each time we go in it. If we could operate that ourselves, it would reduce the amount of time we need to achieve feline superiority.
After the self-described "cat doctor" poked and prodded us(but mostly just rubbed our chin), she gave this pink bottle to the female. Now, every time it gets light or dark, the female rolls us up in a blanket and forces us to eat a mouthful of this disgusting pink goop. She calls it "bubble gum" flavor.
This humiliation wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the facts that we like being rolled up in the blanket, and that we are starting to like the "bubble gum" goop.
Friday, April 02, 2004
Things are not going well with the new trainee. We will no longer refer to her as our henchcat, as she is not worthy of henching. We try to train her, but she cannot be trained. All she does is eat(both her kibble and ours), chew on the various trees and small trees that the humans keep throughout the cave, and occupy the female when we try to play with her.
She goes on things she should not go on, she does not do anything we tell her to do. It's all really so frustrating. After waiting for so long, we hoped to have our dreams fulfilled, of keeping alive the hope that we would one day rule this world, as is our destiny. But it won't happen on her watch. She's too busy chewing on orchids, hiding under the human sitting hill, or pooping in the bottom cave. Our dreams are dashed. We have no more hope.
We would kill her, but her fur is too thick, and we have been unable to use our foreclaw throat slash, that we had perfected on the male's forepaw. How pleasant a gift it would be to gift the female with waking up to a beautiful, prissy cat, lying restfully on a gray ground fur, haloed by a pool of her own blood. Normally, we do not kill our own, but in this case, we would make an exception.
Heathen. Our blood lines fail!
